I don’t check my blog’s spam filter very often, so there was a lot of material in there when I peeked into the bin of gibbering nonsense the other day. Whoever said spam bots are utterly useless was not entirely correct– they’re occasionally good for a laugh.

An old post from February of last year, Tackling More Questionable Writing Advice, has been bizarrely and inexplicably popular with the bots. Over the last month they’ve left hundreds of comments on it. (If anyone has any idea why, I’d be happy to hear your theories. What’s the point of spamming a post that’s over a year old?)

Today I’m going to respond to some of the most hilarious, ridiculous, insulting and asinine comments, so that you too can have a laugh at spammers’ expense. (Content warning for blistering comebacks, random humor, and occasional profanity.) 

Rosie says:
I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this hike.

English.exe has stopped working…

‘kokomo raceway fun park’ asks:
I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your site. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A small number of my blog readers have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this issue?

Tell your readers not to user Explorer. I know this comment is fake though, because I’ve never met anyone who actually used Safari (or was willing to admit it.)

‘fun facts about blood’ had this to say:
I was curious if you ever considered changing the page layout of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to
say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

Aww, do all the words hurt your poor widdle brain?

‘Expert Plumbing Ideas’ added:
I think the admin of this website is really working hard for his site, since here every stuff is quality based stuff.

Unlike the writer of this comment… ya suck-up.

‘plumbingbasics’ got right to point after some insincere flattery:
I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to construct my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. thanks.

No, you may not copy my blog. Shove off.

User ‘happy fun friday’ says:
This piece of writing gives clear idea in support of the new visitors of blogging, that genuinely how to do blogging.

Sounds like someone didn’t read the article.

Zora says:
Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It in fact used to be a amusement account it. Look complex to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we be in contact?

You’re literally in contact right now. How’s it feel?

‘fun facts about rainforests’ says:
It’s not my first time to go to see this website, i am visiting this web site dailly and obtain fastidious data from here daily.

I can tell. I’m also really curious what you think ‘fastidious’ means.

Milla says:
I’ll immediately grasp your rss as I can not to find your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter service. Do you have any? Please allow me recognise so that I could subscribe. Thanks.

Artificial sentience: so close, and yet so very, very far.

User ‘fun things to do in st louis for teenagers’ says:
I believe everything said was actually very logical. However, what about this? what if you were to create a awesome headline? I am not saying your information isn’t good, but suppose you added a headline that makes people desire more? I mean Tackling More Questionable Writing Advice is a little plain. You might glance at Yahoo’s front page and watch how they create post titles to get viewers to open the links. You might add a related video or a picture or two to grab people excited about what you’ve written. Just my opinion, it would bring your posts a little livelier.

Listen, buddy, I don’t write clickbait garbage. You want clickbait garbage filled with unrelated images, videos and gifs? Go back to trolling Yahoo.

User ‘lego dimensions supergirl fun pack’ says:
The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

Press charges. That’ll give her something to vlog about.

‘clean fun promotional marketing’ says:
Definitely imagine that that you stated. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to consider of. I say to you, I definitely get irked whilst other folks consider worries that they just do not recognize about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the top as smartly as outlined out the whole thing with no need side-effects , other people could take a signal. Will probably be again to get more. Thank you.

English.exe not found. Do you wish to continue? Y       

Questionable Writing Advice wasn’t alone in getting some love from the bots, though. ‘Cialis’ left this comment on my review of Trackers:

Your way of describing all in this piece of writing is genuinely fastidious, all be capable of easily be aware of it, Thanks a lot.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Fastidious , adjective: 1) Excessively particular, critical, or demanding; hard to please: a fastidious eater. 2) Requiring or characterized by excessive care or delicacy; painstaking.

‘Cialis’ also left a little love on my review of The Genocide Gamewhich seems fitting, since pickup artists and guys who recreationally use erectile dysfunction pills are two groups that probably have a lot in common. He had this to say:

I’m no longer positive the place you are getting your information, but good topic. I must spend some time finding out much more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent info I used to be on the lookout for this information for my mission.

There’s almost as much WTF non sequitur in this comment as on a typical PUA subreddit! Aaaaaand comment deleted.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed this lovely selection of fine spam comments, carefully curated and served with only the best snark. Stay tuned for more reviews, and another installment of Between A Rock & A Storm!

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